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I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Groucho Marx
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Groucho Marx
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Groucho Marx
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Groucho Marx
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Groucho Marx
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
Groucho Marx
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Groucho Marx
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Groucho Marx
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Groucho Marx
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Funny Quotes Search Quotes Biography
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Groucho Marx
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Groucho Marx
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Groucho Marx
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Groucho Marx
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Groucho Marx
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
Groucho Marx
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Groucho Marx
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Groucho Marx
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Groucho Marx
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