Funny Quotes

Saturday, 20 April 2013

Funny Quote Of The Day About Life Love Birthday Sayings Pictures

Source(Google.com.pk)
Funny Quote Of The Day Biography
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
Steven Wright
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
Steven Wright
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Steven Wright
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Steven Wright
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
Steven Wright
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Steven Wright
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Steven Wright
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
What a nice night for an evening.
Steven Wright
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Steven Wright
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Steven Wright

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Steven Wright

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

Steven Wright

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Steven Wright

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Steven Wright

What's another word for Thesaurus?

Steven Wright

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Steven Wright

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Steven Wright

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

Steven Wright

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Funny Quote Of The Day

Monday, 15 April 2013

Funny Quote For The Day About Life Love Birthday Sayings Pictures

Source(Google.com.pk)
Funny Quote For The Day Biography
Either you think, or else others have to think for you and take power from you, pervert and discipline your natural tastes, civilize and sterilize you.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
In a real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Personality is an unbroken series of successful gestures.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
It is in the thirties that we want friends. In the forties we know they won't save us any more than love did.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.
F. Scott Fitzgerald

Life is essentially a cheat and its conditions are those of defeat; the redeeming things are not happiness and pleasure but the deeper satisfactions that come out of struggle.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
At eighteen our convictions are hills from which we look; at forty-five they are caves in which we hide.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
It is sadder to find the past again and find it inadequate to the present than it is to have it elude you and remain forever a harmonious conception of memory.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Men get to be a mixture of the charming mannerisms of the women they have known.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Genius is the ability to put into effect what is on your mind.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Advertising is a racket, like the movies and the brokerage business. You cannot be honest without admitting that its constructive contribution to humanity is exactly minus zero.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
No such thing as a man willing to be honest - that would be like a blind man willing to see.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Only remember west of the Mississippi it's a little more look, see, act. A little less rationalize, comment, talk.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
The easiest way to get a reputation is to go outside the fold, shout around for a few years as a violent atheist or a dangerous radical, and then crawl back to the shelter.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
The compensation of a very early success is a conviction that life is a romantic matter. In the best sense one stays young.
F. Scott Fitzgerald

Some men have a necessity to be mean, as if they were exercising a faculty which they had to partially neglect since early childhood.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Genius goes around the world in its youth incessantly apologizing for having large feet. What wonder that later in life it should be inclined to raise those feet too swiftly to fools and bores.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

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Funny God Quotes About Life Love Birthday Sayings Pictures

Source(Google.com.pk)
Funny God Quotes Biography
Every day, people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
~ Lenny Bruce
Pray as if everything depended upon God and work as if everything depended upon man.
~ Francis Cardinal Spellman
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
~ Lily Tomlin
When it comes to God’s existence, I’m not an atheist and I’m not an agnostic. I’m an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me.
~ George Carlin
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
~ Woody Allen
Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
~ Indian Proverb
If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.
~ Jewish Proverb
Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria’s Secret catalogue.
~ Woody Allen
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
~ Mother Teresa
Nobody talks so constantly about God as those who insist that there is no God.
~ Heywood Broun
I find it discouraging – and a bit depressing – when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO believers on the one hand, and on the other, to those who believe in an invisible supreme being who inhabits the sky.
~ George Carlin
If there were no God, there would be no atheists.
~ Gilbert K. Chesterton
I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.
~ Jules Renard
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
~ Woody Allen
If God has cable, we are the 24-hour doofus network.
~ Will Durst
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee and I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.
~ Robert Frost
Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, "Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it."
~ Woody Allen
We are told that Sin consists in acting contrary to God's commands, but we are also told that God is omnipotent. If He is, nothing contrary to His will can occur; therefore when the sinner disobeys His commands, He must have intended this to happen.
~ Bertrand Russell
If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
~ George Carlin
My dear child, you must believe in God despite what the clergy tell you.
~ Benjamin Jowett
I'm still an atheist, thank God.
~ Luis Bunuel
I myself do nothing. The Holy Spirit accomplishes all through me.
~ William Blake
God don't make no mistakes. That's how He got to be God. - Archie Bunker
~ Carroll O'Connor
How can one better magnify the Almighty than by sniggering with him at his little jokes, particularly the poorer ones.
~ Samuel Beckett
If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become. Impelled by this new religious fervor, I glutted myself like a fanatic.
~ Woody Allen
Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His kids.
~ Bill Cosby
After creating the heaven, the earth, the ocean, and the entire animal kingdom, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was “Don’t.”
~ Bill Cosby
If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing. Wager then without hesitation, that He exists.
~ Blaise Pascal
Is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's blunders?
~ Friedrich Nietzsche
Man - a figment of God's imagination.
~ Mark Twain

Funny God Quotes

Funny God Quotes

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Funny God Quotes

Good Funny Quotes About Life Love Birthday Sayings Pictures

Source(Google.com.pk)
Good Funny Quotes Biography
Smile is the best thing a person can do, pleasant feelings and all the other good senses are arisen from it – here you are going to read the collection of the best funny quotes about life by famous people, enjoy funny sayings and if you like the page bookmark/share.
“I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully, in his sleep. Not screaming, like the passengers in his car.”
Author Unknown
“Mom and Dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it.”
Calvin
“I have opinions of my own — strong opinions — but I don’t always agree with them.”
George Bush
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
Homer Simpson
“It is better to be thought a fool, than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.”
Mark Twain Quotes
“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
Groucho Marx
“One out of four people is a Chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you.”
Anonymous
“Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.”
Anonymous
“Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.”
Anonymous
“Life is like a Ferrari, it goes too fast. But that’s ok, because you can’t afford it anyway.”
Jim Davis
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.”
George Carlin
“Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you’ll be disconnected.”
Unknown
“Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.”
Joey Adams
“In the end, it’s not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away”
Shing Xiong
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
Dr. Seuss
“Everything has been figured out, except how to live.”
Jean-Paul Sartre
“Someday life will all make perfect sense, so laugh through the confusion smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself everything happens for a reason.”
Anonymous
“Love me or leave me. Hey, where is everybody going?”
Anonymous
“Everyone should have at least two friends – one to talk to and one to talk about.”
Anonymous
“In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back“
Charlie Brown
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”
Bob Hope – Happy Quotes
“Researchers have found that men are four times more likely to sleep naked than women are. Perhaps all that body hair keeps them too warm! Or maybe they just never got around to replacing their Batman pyjamas.”
Anonymous
Welcome to Seriously funny life quotes! Here is a really cool collection of the best, wittiest, funniest, stupidest, nastiest crankiest quotes and hilarious sayings, from people who would be happy to unquote the misquoted! Or you may hear them say, 'did I say that?' Enjoy these great quotes, both from the times gone by and from the current times; from the world of sports, Technology, Love, Life and perhaps from all walks of life for that matter. Please make sure to bookmark this page as it is constantly updated. Have fun, ROTFL, LOL and tweet it or facebook it for your friends! Seriously, have some fun!

Good Funny Quotes