Funny Quotes: Great Funny Quotes About Life Love Birthday Sayings Pictures

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Great Funny Quotes Biography
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake ― Bob Hope
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience ― Mark Twain
My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not you'll become a philosopher ― Socrates, Greek philosopher
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. ― Rodney Dangerfield
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man ― Lana Turner
The only time a woman can really succeed in changing a man is when he is a baby ― Natalie Wood
There are 3 kinds of people in the world…those who can count and those who can’t. ― FunnySaying
Now I started remembering why I dont remember anything! ― Homer Simpson
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair ― Sam Ewing
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. ― Oscar Wilde
A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it ― Helen Rowland
The first time I sang in the church choir, two hundred people changed their religion. ― Fred Allen
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile ― Billy Sunday
The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything ― Oscar Wilde
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. ― Funny Saying
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side ― FunnySaying
Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, age don't matter ― Funny Saying
Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted ― FunnySaying
My wife and I were happy for 20 years - then we met. ― Rodney Dangerfield
Kids are like farts. You don’t mind your own, but other peoples are unbearable. ― FunnySaying
Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate. ― Mark Twain
The only thing worse than hearing the alarm clock in the morning is not hearing it. ― FunnySaying
My mind wanders a lot, but fortunately it's too weak to go very far. ― Bob Thaves
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and have you actually looking forward to the trip. ― FunnySaying
Inside every older person is a younger person … wondering what the hell happened ― Cora Harvey Armstrong
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. (Then when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes) ―
“My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens” ― Rodney Dangerfield
“Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning” ― George W. Bush
“Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald” ― Navjot Singh Sidhu
“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own” ― Les Dawson

“It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man” ― H. L. Mencken

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is” ― Ellen DeGeneres

“When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me” ― Rodney Dangerfield

Great Funny Quotes